Serhorn, you are a piece of shit

DOPE

I must admit that it's been quite some time since I've written. I noticed that in the last few posts my capacity for angst and saucy wit was dwindling so I needed to take a break and get fired up. And today is that special day.

We're going to take some time to discuss the onslaught of vapid bloggings, with attached example. I have to thank the following blog though, for inspiring me to want to offer some alternative to the universe.

This blog that has inspired my eyes to roll back into my head several times:

http://serhorn.blogspot.com/

Actually, I think that the eye rolling goes way beyond my conscious desire to express annoyment. I think that my eyes, of their own free will, are trying to roll back as far as possible into my skull, either for fear of burning out of my sockets from viewing the trite bull crap that is this blog, or in hopes that by rolling back it will trick my body into thinking that I'm dying.

We're going to discuss this blog at length. I'm assuming first and foremost, that this blog, being written by a collective of insipid wenches, cleverly melded their names together to form the "serhorn" nomenclature. Contrary to my initial musings that perhaps these colorless jezebels named it after their favorite dungeons and dragons character, or shall I say "fave?"

Hand gesture courtesy gentleman pictured at right is the easiest route towards douchebag designation.

Reasons why we hate serhorn:

When I dip, You dip, We dip
Coffee makes your teeth yellow, so I just stay away from it. If I am drinking coffee, it's cold and through a straw. So, since i try not to do coffee, i still need my morning caffeine fix...Enter: McDonalds Large Diet Coke. I love diet coke. Like with my whole heart and soul I love it. So, don't judge, but every morning, I stop at McDonalds and get a diet coke. There is no better diet coke than a McDonalds Diet Coke. The big straw and the big cup make all the difference. While I am there, I get a nice little snack to compliment my boring (Whole Wheat toast with Jelly) breakfast...McDonalds Apple Dippers!!! Yay!

"I love diet coke. Like with my whole heart and soul I love it."

Next up:

Vocabulary. It's the most foul aspect of this shitty blog. Somewhere and at some time some stupid asshole decided to start creating slang for otherwise perfect words in the English Language. As a disclaimer, slang is necessary for the evolution of any language. But in this case it's as though the idiotic trendy clubs these floozies go to took a drunken shit on their brains and the words that came out became code for another coked up reason to be trendy.

Serhorns guide to words and phrases bought at http://www.shopbop.com/

delish = delicious

dope = that's cool

totes = totally

hamps = the hamptons

dude the fromage sitch was ridic = anna nicole smith? paris hilton? what?

nuf = enough minus four letters plus one it makes no sense, but then again, nothing does

tho = just an excuse to type less letters, but we're skeptical that we just don't know how to spell the word "though"

it's also customary to add a z to the end of practically everythingz

sick = akin to dope but emphasis on SO cool it's almost making me sick.

yes, it's making me sick:

Packing for the Wknd
Ahhh Summer. iFeelin skinny today so I am gonna pack assuming i will be skinny all weekend, which means white wine instead of champs and diet coke instead of mixers and dancing instead of eating. Ugh I'm already hungry. Anyways, iTried to pick out shizzz that looks hot with the new tan...

This may be too obvious to mention how fucking stupid that post is, which is followed by some delightfully informative images of what this bitch will be wearing all weekend.

Need I go into this blog at depth? Does it speak for itself? What is my point exactly? Perhaps these ladies in person, when you get to know them, beyond the facade of cliches that they've painted themselves with are wonderful human beings. But for the time being, why must they perpetuate that which is so easily accesible and fall prey to ready trends? This including fashion, food, hot places to see and be seen, and as minutely down to their choice in verbal or written expression. Can't we be more creative, and unique?

Gonna go to our beach house in the south shore this wknd and throw Blakey a dope ass birthday party. Following wknd is the hamps again. Need new camera. Love u all. xo.